On to another chapter

I wasn't active in this part of his life but it's a closed chapter. I was here before and I will be after. On to new happenings.

Proud to be me!

It's not an easy thing to really come to terms with who you are... or what your purpose here is. There is a plan for all of us, nothing happens on accident. Each step on the sidewalk, each turn of your car signal, each wrong turn in life leads you to that very next step on a different sidewalk. It is all so very cliche but we all know it's true. It's tried and tested in our very own lives as we look back in our personal rear view mirrors of perception and timelines. How many of us can honestly say they really know themselves intimately... through and through to the core of your blood. There are people in your life that quite possibly know you better than you know yourself. At least better than your rational thinking allows you to know yourself. We are our own worst enemies a good portion of our existence until we get to the point where we can take responsibility for who we are and where we will go. We fall victim of the limitations we put on ourselves by not taking a good honest look at our thoughts because those thoughts drive our decisions and our decisions are the force to the quality of life we lead.

I have a great life. I always have. I haven't known hardship in comparison to many people and if I have it's been small. I think my attitude is greatly based on my perception of those hardships. I have learned to step outside of my own mind and take hard solid looks at my situations. I see how I feel and I then compare it to others.... it's minute, miniscule.... I still come out on top. Why? Because I am alive and I am me.

The me I am is rooted in family, friends, history and how I want to shape the future. I am founded by my loves and my losts, my mistakes and my amazing successes. I also see the "me" that I am in my children. I see my father and mother, I see my brother, I see my husband. I see all of my steps in life in their eyes. I see the similitaries that run through our blood and I see the "them" that is being created by every single soul that has touched their lives. There is a picture of every generation in my family at the bench of music. That bench being the foundation of the lives they are creating for themselves. Those white keys the steps, the tools, the loves and losts they encounter and the sound that flows from it is the sweet music of their future.

I am proud of the music that flows from my decisions that helps shape the persoal tunes of those around me. I am proud to be me!

Crack that bottle open...

..... and uncork a world of appreciation and exploration. It occurred to me the other day when I asked my new-again husband if he would like to share the new bottle of dessert wine he got me from "the holler" in Gatlinburg, Tn and he responded with "No, I got that for you to share with your friends." Because, well that is what he is used to. I gather with my close friends and we pour a glass and jibber and paint, or jabber and scrapbook, or do whatever we have done throughout the years. He forgot for a moment where we were. After the sarcastic glare I gave him he remembered. I am at a place that I don't have friends yet. I know they will come but I am in no rush. In the meantime, I am using this time as a period of new beginnings and trying new things. New food, new books, new activities, new styles and finally new wine. I've always just bought the same old types.... merlot, chianti or my favorites from Beachaven Winery. I've vowed to try a new type (not brand) a month. Granted I am sure there will be more than one or two some months! I'm guilty, I love wine. It lacks a little when not shared with someone so in the meantime, I will share it with a book, or with writing or painting.... or, with my hubby if he so dares or during a conversation online with my mom miles away. So far, I have ventured off and tried an Argentine Malbec, Petit Syrah, Pinot Grigio, and a Gran Spumante. I have not been disappointed by any! There is a world of varied tasted and spice just as there is a grand sea of personalities and textures that I am wanting to open up and delight in. Continuing in this fashion we also decided as a family that we will pick new non-chain restaurants to try that we normally wouldn't go to. The italian restaurant and pizza place down the road is a great example of the family atmosphere and that "hole in the wall gem" that is lacking in mainstream chains. I'm excited to open my mind and open that bottle of new flavors and tickle my taste buds with fresh new experiences.

Making the most of it.  Cheers!

Cheers!

Of Daddies and Daughters

"It is admirable for a man to take his son fishing, but there is a special place in heaven for the father who takes his daughter shopping."
-- John Sinor
                                                              

                                              

I sat here this morning drinking my coffee and listening to that red cardinal tapping on my window watching the morning TV shows. On the Today show they were doing a piece on the special bond between a father and her daughter. There is something so magical and solid about that bond. A girl's first source of expectations. She looks at this man and expects to be cared for and protected. Expects to be provided for and admired. From day one he shapes quite a great deal about her. Little does she know he will be the standard she holds to all that shapes her future. Especially in a man. So, fathers if you hope she only falls for men of high stock and quality you better strive to be nothing but the best in your life for her. I know mine did and my honey definitely measures up to that standard. If I ever thought differently, I was wrong and I see that in how our daughter looks at him in the same way I looked at mine. He is doing good and in fact more than good. It's beautiful to watch. I have my own special bonds of a mother that nothing can replace but I felt this was noteworthy and something I will never experience on my own. So, it may not be Father's Day but I applaud all those good daddies to their precious little daughters. Even those grown. I will always be a daddy's girl and I know Sissy Rose will be the same. That bond is solid and so very important.

To this little girl you will always be a hero, always be a healer, and always be that one she can count on to just get that bear hug when the world seems mean and unstable. We love daddies!

Waiting for ....

WAIT! Wait a minute... it's not the right time. If we just wait until... we have more money, the timing is right, the kids are older, or we can finally have a handle on things. If we wait... then it can happen. Wrong. Waiting just leads to more waiting. You have to take the plunge if it feels right. Trust your instinct. Trust that gut. Take that first irreversible step towards your goal and you'll be in the right direction.

I've learned alot about leaps of faith this year. I may not know the answers but I really knew those questions with the depth of my soul. I really knew what I wanted but just knowing that source of what I wanted I was bombarded with the "what ifs" in life and I could feel them weighing me down.

I am so very glad I took the plunge and didn't listen to those questions. I knew the answer, I threw up my hands, closed my eyes and let my heart lead the way and it all just falls into place because it's the right thing. I'm a logical girl... so of course this made no sense at the time. But someone's voice was heard in my life and I decided to trust someone other than myself. I am so glad I did. Thank you God! My life is back on track... in love, in education, in family. Stop waiting... it gets you right where you already are. Move forward and just do it!

I like cookies! and other random outbursts....

Life, it's so noncommittal....so rigid... so, well.... random. I had lost what was therapeutic to me in recent years, writing included. So, here I begin again. We are given many blessings. Sometimes we don't know what to do with those blessings and often screw them up into unrecognizable messes. That seems to be my life... a mixture of many clashing colors to my crayon box. Some crayons broken in half and others the ends rubbed down to a rounded blurb and shade of a questionable color. Some colors are new and not yet named... some are as unique as "rusty pumpkin orange" which happens to be one of my favorite colors and some are the time tested and well loved good ol' American primary hues that exist in what I call my crayon box of life. When I think of myself, I see so may contradictions. I am a beautiful graceful woman yet a clumsy accident prone girl at the same time. I'm a girl of witty sophisticated culture yet give me a tent and a river and I would be in heaven just the same. I'm not afraid of heights but I am afraid creatures who slither with no bones. I have fear and I have strength. I have love and I have passionate opposition yet I often do not utter a word except to those who I trust enough to see my vulnerability. I am stubborn, I am emotional and I am admittedly extremely complicated. At the same time I am as basic as a woman can be. Yah, I've been told... I'm a mess.

I am not entirely sure what I hope to get out of this blog but I am sure I will unravel a great deal about my world which is probably a lot like yours. That is, if you are a new and old military wife at the same time.. a mother of three, a renewed student and former banker, an on and off vegetarian who is in love with a hunter. If you are in love, if you love life, if you have found a deep spot inside you to allow for the unthinkable and impossible... that's us.